Arogant & Ego

                    Sometimes i wonder ,  No actually i always wonder why my dad not like others?Why I'm in this unhappy family i rather have a poor family but we have a strong relationship and close to each other . What should i do to change this ego & shallow minded old man , i grew up watching this person sitting at home do nothing like a pig waiting to be fed & get angry if his belonging been touch or critic by others . And as much i don't want it to influence me on my daily life , but it does . Take a look at me now ,jobless waiting to fed by others like a pig & sometime sensitive when comes to my own space ,belongings or life .

                  I remembered once when I'm 16 i wish that god take this person life , he just didn't bring any happiness in my life and my family life . We grew up in misery and poorness , what i saw is that my mom working very hard to support our family . I promise myself  , i wont let anything happen to my mom . I always think what this person life will end up with? I'm very sure that i will not be there to take care of his empty life .

               I know i sound cruel and evil , but do i ask much from someone that i call Dad ? i just hope he could be like any other dad , loyal to his religion , have a steady job and income , someone i could to look up when i need a example , matured and think wisely . I just could not live my life like this , everytime his voice rising up i just felt like running away from home , go faraway and live my life like i don't even know anyone in my family . I'm so depress when i start to think about this old man attitude , life are hard please don't make it hard Dad . You know that you should show a good example to your children , so we could grew up and be a good person and achieve success in life ...... Oh God please ... I Beg You ..Please...!!!! send some guidance to my beloved Dad that always get angry never talk nicely to me , selfish ,Ego , arrogant  and shallow minded . End all this misery that I've suffer fro 20 years , it's just killing me not today but forever .

    To whoever that read this , please don't judge if you never ever been in this situation it's just ridiculous . And as u saw here while you read there is no cursing word because i write with matured and wise cause i do promise myself not to be like my dad when i grew up , because i don't want to die alone or been hate by my own family ...it's just so waste of time if life end up like that.