My Heart Just stop beating & i don't feel anything anymore

I know in life we should not hope on something we can't get,some would say at least you trying to get it and some would say i told you so.But the real thing is i try and try until my heart stop feeling anything.I just feel nothing,cause there to much pain in it makes me numb and clueless. 

Yeah it's just sound weird ,but it's happen to me.Now i can't love someone that easier as before,there always a little voice saying think before you act make sure you don't regret.Even sadness is not the worst feeling for me right now.

There always someone trying to get to know me,some give me fake hope and some give me a chance of a lifetime.But mostly makes me sick and remind me that true love doesn't exist,should i cry and die then? well of cause not.

I do believe when the time it should happen everything would be to late,yes i admit i like someone and i hope i've got a chance to know that person better.That person give me a hope that love is on the way wait for it,with that strong hope who wouldn't believe it,i wanna be in love but when the time i should meet this person there is no words hearing from it...where the hell this person goes??

Well i try to contact and search for It,suddenly i read a memo this person leave on the wall of facebook having dinner with someone and there is someone waiting for this person for almost 3 years.......

You've got to be kidding me,so are you telling me that all of this was a joke so you could know that you are still hot and can't get attention from others easily?.

And at that moment,my heart i knew that i'm to easy to be trick and be fool like a dumb ass.

what am i to that person?a toy?a slave that wait until that person ready?a doll?

whatever it is,it's hurt and i never even got a chance to meet this person.Why this person break my heart the most,because this person promised to me that i would be love and care.And now this person makes me waiting for something that unsure going to happen,I can't believe that i need someone this bad,i was crying all night when the same thing happen to me before and i have to convince myself that hing lie this won't happen to me ever again but it keeps repeatedly happen to me.

Some how in this sadness of painful time i manage to stand and walk without doubt,but i do lost myself behind,i lost all my feeling ,my sensitive side,my sincerity ,my smile,my honesty,my ability to feel and the most important thing i lost myself.I'm just not me blame it on this tragedy where it force me to change and do thing that i never done before,it's like i have been infected by a diseases and i don't have the remedy to cure myself.

I do wish that all the people that have been fool me have a worst time in their life,but it's not their fault this is just life i have to accept the reality that when comes to Love there nothing right about it.Our body makes us believe we are capable to do anything when we in love,so that we can be the best for the one we love.

I don't wanna blame anyone anymore,especially myself that i love the most.Why wait when i can enjoy my life with all the support that i've get from my friend and family right.So to everyone that have broke my heart,i just wanna say thanks u make me more matured and better.I do have a thick skin and a bit harsh on other but it all to protect myself from tearing apart and fall.

I write all this thing inside this blog so i can share my experience with other and express my feeling so it won't burden my brain that much.I don't care what people said about me anymore,the important thing right now is myself.I need time to heal and got back on track without any distraction from others.

Hope the future will be full with happiness and joyful moment...no more tears..

A Gift from Oman...

Today i've meet my frined from Oman at coffee bean Pavilion,well it will be his last day at Malaysia tomorrow he will go back to Oman and start working.

He message me at the previous night saying that he got me something special,well as usual i always though it was gadget since i was a gadget freak.

So when i'm arrive there was a beg at the chair i'm gonna sit on,so i ask him is this yours?

He answer no it was your present that i've got..so i took it ,i was kinda heavy

So i ask him what is this?he said it's not electronic it was something that i would like to get as a present from someone else .So i tell him i open it when i arrive at home.Then we talk and talk about our day and plan..we end up our meeting with a hug

When i'm arrive at home i've open the present so this is what i've got......

 

This is the beg ,i though it was T-shirt at first,but inside of it is a box containing a perfume

OMG............................!

I know when the bottle this big the price range is around rm199 to rm290

but the smell was so good and last longer then i've thought.

for more infomation about the perfume please visit this website

http://www.pacorabanne.com/parfums/?lang=en#/gold

How do i say thanks to this special friend from Oman...

I do think that i've known him since 2008 ,but since it was in internet i never though it's real,but today in this year he proved it all real and alive.Thank to god 

to You thanks for making my weekend better and cheerful

A FRIEND IN A MILLION

The Past & Future

I use to think in life when we plan something well it will go smoothly as we plan.But unfortunately it's not,life is about gambling all we do today is something that we never though or predict would happen.When i'm entering college i do believe i will get a diploma and degree,then have a suitable job with good salary.I hope after that i could buy a house and car for myself.But when it's turn out i don't get any job at all,i don't further my study .I do feel my life are suck and shameful ,i really hate and envy to other who have job and get busy day by day.

But when i look back in life,i am a strong person.i survive by my own and can solve my own problem very well.I'm still here standing and alive,as time goes by i do thing i've got more mature then before.I do think for long term in my life,never gamble anything without get and advise and knowing what would happen.

I do fail a lot,in my study,love,work,exercise & lots of thing.But some how i never give up,i keep move on.I do feel scared and clueless .But when i'm in the darkest time in my life,there always a miracle happen .It's like a light shine my way out from a dark tunnel,surviving that moment make me more alert and matured time through time i've get better and better and help other with their problem .

If i could turn my life back i don't want to change anything ,me today is because of the past.I survive the one thing most human can't survive ,loneliness i do coop with it better then anyone.When i'm alone i know i can think better,and i always know Allah s.w.t. are at beside me all the time.To God thanks for making my life as it is,there nothing better then being me me.Amin

Mimpi Yg Ngeri Tapi Tidak Menakutkan....

Semalam aku mimpi pasal orang minyak...macam tengok drama je..dari mula dia jadi org minyak sampailah dia dibunuh..berserta iklan lagi..aku sempat bangun ke toilet kemudian sambung tido dan sambung bermimpi...
apakah maksud mimpi ini??
rupanya bila aku menonton TV3 petang ini drama dendam orang minyak telah hampir ke akhir episod....promote aku tengok drama tv3 ke?
apa-apa pon mimpi-mimpi ini telah lama aku alami..beberapa kali dalam setahun.sebelum ni aku mimpikan kisah pelesit,kemudian orang minyak.Adakah ia kesan kerana tidur lewat atau pon akibat dari menonton TV yang kerap??

Sebelum tido aku baca ayat qusi dan al-fatihah serta doa tido,basuh kaki lagi.Tapi mimpi jugak,maybe aku suka bermimpi kot.Atau mungkin aku tertekan oleh itu minda aku cuba mengurangkan tekanan dengan berimaginasi tentang benda lain agar aku tidak tertekan memikirkan masalah hidup ini.Aku berharap mimpi ini tidak menjadi realiti.....Amin

A Special Tribute To Everyone That have make me fall in Love in the Past & Future

This Epic Film remind me that true love always exist and can't be forgotten easily ,until now i still can't forget my past love ...and i'm just not sure about the future ....but if i have the chance i would like to build a relationship with my previous Love....

The song that really catch my attention is 'Bagaikan Sakti' 
So Magical and remind me the moment when i'm in love...

Cinta datang
Tanpa diundang
Seumur masa tercipta

Dia datang bagai sakti
Bagai menyaksi mekar
Kembang pagi
Ohhh..

Cinta datang
Dengan senyuman
Panasnya membakar mentari

Wajah yang tergambar
Tak akan terpudar
Dari hati insan yang fana ini
Fana ini¡

Tak mungkin mentari
Akan terus sembunyi

Tiada sempadan
Tak bisa kulewati

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan ragaku
Menanti muara sengsara
Jika ini ketentuannya

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan raga
Jika ini ketentuannya
Kaukan jadi milikku jua

For everyone that in love out there,protect your love so it would grow and get stronger everyday..

My New Shoes

It's already 6 month i don't even buy a shoe or T-shirt for my own self,why?because i don't think it's necessary ,actually i don't have the budget to do so.But last Sunday i accompany my best friend Saida shopping for her trip to Langkawi Island.We went to Sungai Wei shopping complex and Times Square to shop her new beg and flip flop.After tired of walking from one stall to another we decide to rest and have a drink at starbucks,i try the new lemon green tea ice blended it's taste like ginger but nice.Then Saida decide to buy a skirt,so i suggest to her why not u buy a short pant because you going to the beach right.She agree and manage to find one that suit her + a shirt flowy enough so she don't get the heat from the Island.





  But then i saw a shoe that i like,
i always adore street wear shoe 
because it easy to wear.no need to spend lot of time to wear one it's just easy and comfort.

This are my old shoe ,i already wear it for quite sometime it's already getting lame and old.And people keep looking at me like i can't afford to buy a shoe,hate it.But i do keep a good care for all my shoe but Everlast shoe can't be wash the colour just faded away.Maybe because of the cloth type are easy breathe and wash out one.

 But Everlast will always lasting in my mind it brought me a lot of joy wearing this brand product on my foot....So goodbye Everlast and welcome New shoe
Thank God i can afford one

The Boring saturday...

Last Saturday ,like the same most of my weekend i was bored to death after watching my cartoon Sicnhan & Doraemon i just wanna get out from my room and hangout with my friend.But my friend all kinda busy,so my last result is spending time with F at F home in Subang .Even my heart feel like this is a bad idea ,but i just push myself to make it work.I think the reason i come and visit F is because F home have wifi,i know kinda suck what kind of person do that.But i do just to get myself out from the house for a while.At 10.30PM i arrive safely at Asia Jaya ,Putra LRT Station.Luckily F already call and mention gonna late.So i sat and wait after 20 minutes F arrive and we head back to home.

Then we arrive at F apartment in front of thr Sime Darby Properties showroom opposite Symphony company building,at that time i just realize i'm doing a big mistake for giving a fake hope to F about me coming visit.

While F busy packing up stuff from the car ,i was like what am i suppose to do?i don't even like F anymore it's all history and i can't do this to F anymore.I decide that night not to come and visit F anymore ,being cruel is important at least F know i'm don't have interest on build a relationship anymore.

That night i try not to sleep early and spend my time surfing the internet and chatting with my friend until 3 AM .I though F already in a deep sleep already,but when i try to crawl on the bed F suddenly awake and hug me.OMG! F sleep on my arms,and it's heavy then i though.I don't like you at all i wont let myself sleeping uncomfortably .So as F try to cuddle with me and i was kinda in the WTF moment i suddenly wake up and go to say to F i wanna go to the toilet.Then i step out from the room and sleep on the couch,5 minutes later F walk to me and ask me why are u sleeping on the couch?.'I can't sleep with you on me and snuggle my body all night',then F said 'Ok i wont do anything to you,just go to sleep on bed '.I was relief after F say like that.The next morning,everything kinda weird but we have to move on.We even barely talk in the car anymore,i just hope F know that this won't work out as the fairytale story and hope F could move on.I really don't wanna be the person that telling the bad news.So this is it the end ..

Should i go or not?

It all start early this year...i meet someone in the internet ,this person names was A..at first i was totally think this is B.S. well whos gonna believe someone in the internet right ?.But i took the chance ,well we start to get more closer and know each other but not that well.We start viewing each other web cam and call using the YM video call,it's free right so cut off the budget a lot.A work on Yemen for those who did know where is Yemen i have provide some information about the country down below.

This is Yemen official Flag

Yemen is one of the poorest countries in the Arab World, with 40% unemployment as of 2007, dwindling natural resources, and rapid population growth. Yemen has a weak economy compared to other Arab states, mainly due to Yemen having relatively little oil, having discovered it during the 1980s.

Yemen's economy depends heavily on the oil it does produce, and its government receives the vast majority of its revenue from oil taxes. But Yemen's oil reserves are expected to be depleted by 2017, with fears of a resulting economic collapse.Yemen does have large proven reserves of natural gas.^[11] Yemen's first liquified natural gas (LNG) plant began production in October 2009.

Rampant corruption is a prime obstacle to development in the country, limiting local reinvestments and driving away regional and international capital. The government has recently taken many measures to stamp out corruption, but efforts have been met with only partial success. Foreign investments remain largely concentrated around the nation's hydrocarbon industry.

Yemen (Arabic: اليَمَن al-Yaman), officially the Republic of Yemenis a country located on the Arabian Peninsula in Southwest Asia. It has an estimated population of more than 23 million people and is bordered by Saudi Arabia to the north, the Red Sea to the west, the Arabian Sea and Gulf of Aden to the south, and Oman to the east.

Yemen is just under 530,000 km² (204,634 sq mi) in land area. Its territory includes over 200 islands, the largest of which is Socotra, about 415 km (258 mi) to the south of mainland Yemen, off the coast of Somalia. Yemen is the only state in the Arabian Peninsula to have a purely republican form of government. Its capital is Sana'a. In Yemen, about 18% of the population live below US$1.25 a day.

Ok as you guys already read the information that i have provide below with ,the country was the poorest in arab region but according to the history Arab traders have long operated in Southeast Asia, trading in spices, timber and textiles. Most of the prominent Indonesians, Malaysians and Singaporeans of Arab descent are Hadhrami people with origins in southern Yemen in the Hadramawt coastal region. As many as 4 million Indonesians are of Hadrami descent and today there are almost 10,000 Hadramis in Singapore.The Hadramis emigrated not only to Southeast Asia but also to East Africa and the Indian subcontinent. Maqil were a collection of Arab Bedouin tribes of Yemeni origin who migrated westwards via Egypt. Several groups of Yemeni Arabs turned south to Mauritania and by the end of the 17th century century, they dominated the entire country.

So the re is a lot of Singaporean and Malaysian people living there,i have heard A voice and saw A face so many time.A never not calling me everyday single day.Kinda weird and control freak person,but it's just not enough to make me feel comfort with this Love long distance thing.I never meet A in my whole life,so now A telling me that A will open a cafe and bakery shop in Yemen.I just want to ignore it,but suddenly A want me to visit A at Yemen for once to proove this is real thing .Before i forgot A was a Malaysian citizen working in Yemen,A have degree from Paris in fashion design.But i don't believe even a bit,i have already watch,read and heard about people been tricked to go oversea and force to be human slave,kill, smuggle drug and illegal stuff out from the country to across the world.

As i try to ignore A ,A suddenly want me to ask A friend myself about what A job and background for my satisfaction.But should i just believe and proceed to meeting A live in person for once to proved that all this are true and not a joke at all.Or should i just ignore A friend story about A and move on with my life?

My heart want to meet A and find out myself about this fantasy thing that have been going on for a while,i think everything gonna be ok because the ticket for flight for both way to Yemen and back to Kuala Lumpur are at my hand.But my mind keep saying remember the national geography story about the girl have been force to smuggle drug from Bangladesh and get caught then been send to prison for 4 years.I really don't know what to do or think right now.I know this is like once in a life time thingy but i must and have to think about the long effect to my life and my family.Should i go and find out the truth or just ignore it and move with my life........................To Be Continued

Like Falling From The Sky and Hit By A Bullet Train

Honestly,This feeling have been in me for so long.I couldn't remember when i start to have it,i don feel lonely and empty lot of time.Thing just get worst when i'm jobless and alone,life was so boring.I love attention that i've get from other people,but most of them want something in return.I do ask my self a lot ' where should i go?' or ' when this thing feeling will be gone?'.



Sometime i even believe that i have mental illness,but it maybe because i'm depress and kinda have nobody to talk with or someone that understand me.People always make promises that they can't fulfilled it to me,like i always here ,i understand you,but do they?Maybe i kinda expect more then just word,in my life i always there to support and help my friend .I'm also a good listener ,when my friend have problem i try to give them solution and accompany them to make they feel comfort.But for once where is the person that gonna be there when i need someone to talk ,hug or listen to all my problem?



Yes i do fill frustrated with my life,but i never think of suicide because it will never solve my problem.And i admit i always try to avoid meeting other people,it's because i just can't don't want to be a good listener or problem solver anymore.I want to meet and know someone that can understand me,know what i like and don't a person who's not that selfish to always think about their self only.Well maybe it's hard to find one,but i exist so there must be other out there.Oh i wish it will come true.



So please people don't judge me and think i'm and angle that gonna help you when trouble comes.I'm a human to ,i have my own need and problem.Yes i do seek help and try to change my life to avoid madness,yes i do avoid society and avoid anything that can hurt or make me feel uncomfortable .
Only god understand me,most of the time i pray and seek guide from God.God Bless Me..

People That i've Meet

This is zai meet him last year



Ben meet him at birthday party arif -2009



ni kawan ben...


This is ifsyar my friend since 2006 waktu kerja di Mcdonald



Dayang-dayangKu Miera dan Sakinah meet them when i'm studying at PTPL AMPANG College 2008



This is adam meet him 2008



My friend ikhwan and his friend -2008



Ehsan the best hangout friend already been friend for 2 years since 2008



the weird kids -2009



Ehsan friend from philippine 2009



this is fizul sakinah friend our guide to theater world



This is Fiq... 2006



Akhmar my friend from Sungai Nibong.Penang .We begin ourfriendship starting year 2006



Sufian the spoil kid,now he in melaka if not mistaken-2009



Kerol Azhar The kid with brain - 2009



Azrul the busy man we hang out a lot but now he in JB -2008



Latif the one with weird attitude -2008



Nabil now he studying in German -2006



Nard the girl gone bad soon gonna get married soon -2008
Ayie,shidee and adam..meet them at the mummy return premier -2008


Remiul ,the one with a big smile - 2008



Kem Kardashian ,my gym partner and the one that never judge other and support me a lot -2009


Hady the one that always trying to find attention but hsis good - 2010



Amirul the one that have Samantha personality -2010



This Is Faiz ,The one that would bring me to his hometown and spend time knowing the family and his place of birth Kepala Batas.Thanks Faiz -2010


Syiran the person who show me great places around Penang Island..Thanks Syiran - 2006

Paul is reed friend meet him at Langkawi Island -2009

Reed the guy that on my side when i got through my first flight experience to Langkawi -2009

Sobri Zakaria We Fight A lot always have something to argue about,-2009



Hafizul the one with laser beam mouth - 2009




Fairul i meet him at starbucks christmas party 2009

Firdaus PR in Sime Darby Property Company -2008