I know in life we should not hope on something we can't get,some would say at least you trying to get it and some would say i told you so.But the real thing is i try and try until my heart stop feeling anything.I just feel nothing,cause there to much pain in it makes me numb and clueless.
Yeah it's just sound weird ,but it's happen to me.Now i can't love someone that easier as before,there always a little voice saying think before you act make sure you don't regret.Even sadness is not the worst feeling for me right now.
There always someone trying to get to know me,some give me fake hope and some give me a chance of a lifetime.But mostly makes me sick and remind me that true love doesn't exist,should i cry and die then? well of cause not.
I do believe when the time it should happen everything would be to late,yes i admit i like someone and i hope i've got a chance to know that person better.That person give me a hope that love is on the way wait for it,with that strong hope who wouldn't believe it,i wanna be in love but when the time i should meet this person there is no words hearing from it...where the hell this person goes??
Well i try to contact and search for It,suddenly i read a memo this person leave on the wall of facebook having dinner with someone and there is someone waiting for this person for almost 3 years.......
You've got to be kidding me,so are you telling me that all of this was a joke so you could know that you are still hot and can't get attention from others easily?.
And at that moment,my heart i knew that i'm to easy to be trick and be fool like a dumb ass.
what am i to that person?a toy?a slave that wait until that person ready?a doll?
whatever it is,it's hurt and i never even got a chance to meet this person.Why this person break my heart the most,because this person promised to me that i would be love and care.And now this person makes me waiting for something that unsure going to happen,I can't believe that i need someone this bad,i was crying all night when the same thing happen to me before and i have to convince myself that hing lie this won't happen to me ever again but it keeps repeatedly happen to me.
Some how in this sadness of painful time i manage to stand and walk without doubt,but i do lost myself behind,i lost all my feeling ,my sensitive side,my sincerity ,my smile,my honesty,my ability to feel and the most important thing i lost myself.I'm just not me blame it on this tragedy where it force me to change and do thing that i never done before,it's like i have been infected by a diseases and i don't have the remedy to cure myself.
I do wish that all the people that have been fool me have a worst time in their life,but it's not their fault this is just life i have to accept the reality that when comes to Love there nothing right about it.Our body makes us believe we are capable to do anything when we in love,so that we can be the best for the one we love.
I don't wanna blame anyone anymore,especially myself that i love the most.Why wait when i can enjoy my life with all the support that i've get from my friend and family right.So to everyone that have broke my heart,i just wanna say thanks u make me more matured and better.I do have a thick skin and a bit harsh on other but it all to protect myself from tearing apart and fall.
I write all this thing inside this blog so i can share my experience with other and express my feeling so it won't burden my brain that much.I don't care what people said about me anymore,the important thing right now is myself.I need time to heal and got back on track without any distraction from others.
Hope the future will be full with happiness and joyful moment...no more tears..
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