Life after Treatment and revolution

It's Already been 7 month from the day of evolution and discrimination , i do believe my life change a lot since the black out season in my life .I do get a good job plus a good salary ,but when come to relationship or commitment i do fail easily maybe i was born to be a player or just can't love one person for life . I've meet a person who introduce me to life where we shouldn't believe in love or romance because in the end we will suffer like hell , well it is true i've been through it before and i barely can do anything for few weeks and that was not good for my body and life.So thanks to Danish i learn how to survive or control my feeling when comes to relationship.

Then later in life i just got back to my old habit that is keep changing partner and it is fun and give a bit thrill but i do hurt a lot of people feeling.

One day I've meet a girl in facebook name Amenda she's pretty and polite, i do wish to get a girlfriend like her but the old feeling and nightmare just keep haunting me and some how my X girlfriend suddenly call and message me a lot and begging for my attention . So i decide to move slow with Amenda since she was faraway from me , i just don't hope anything from her but so we keep chatting on facebook for a few month.then suddenly she give me her phone number ,i was shock i never get girls phone number .Ha3..! Just joking i do get it a lot , so  the next day i call her and she sound excited then we chat on yahoo messenger and web cam each other . Despite our age differences and maturity some how we kind click maybe because we both kinda understand each other . So one day i ask her if she interested to buy my Blackberry for cheaper price RM800 and she agreed but i ask her if i can post it through Pos Laju , and she reply can but she didn't have any proper address . so i ask her to bank in to my account RM 500.00 first as a deposit the rest she give to me when i've meet her and give her the phone by my self and she agreed. So i hope everything when well because i don't like to broke promises . 

This few month all my friend keep saying i'm kinda fat and chubby compare to my golden era where i'm hot and good looking plus fit due to my habit going to gym daily. I't does give me impact and hurt my feeling a bit

, so i decide how about i'll bring back the golden era once again but i do know that it's gonna be so hard because to jog everyday without fail is just not me for now.i do need lots of rest due to my job which have to facing all the 'POLITE' customer .but somehow i do believe it's gonna happen and i do gonna get my dream curve. Oh Please god make my wish come true. Amin

This is me Now wait for another few month  OK..

Benda Baik Dibalas Dengan kebaikan,Benda Jahat Dibalas Dengan Kejahatan Serta Kesedihan

 Betul kata orang tua-tua ,Setiap Kebaikkan pasti Tuhan akan balas dengan Kebaikkan yang berganda-ganda.Tapi setiap Kejahatan Tuhan pasti akan balas dengan Bala & Malapetaka ataupun kesedihan , dan itulah yang telah berlaku pada diriku.

         Sepanjang aku Menjadi Syahmi,aku tidak pernah sanggup menjual diri Ku ini untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang aku idamkan.Tapi akhirnya aku telah setuju menjual maruah diriku ini hanya untuk mendapatkan benda yang aku idam - idamkan iaitu iPhone.Sudah lama aku menanti saat untuk memiliki iPhone , selama 4 tahun aku menanti . Tiba - tiba satu hari seseorang muncul dan ingin mengenali diriku serta mahu memberi apa sahaja yang aku inginkan ,aku pula terdesak untuk memilik iPhone jadi aku memintanya iPhone .Tanpa banyak soal si dia bersetuju dengan syarat aku miliknya walaupun untuk satu hari . Aku pun setuju , setelah seminggu berlalu si dia masih tidak tunaikan janjinya untuk memberi Ku iPhone . Lalu aku mula menyoal si dia samada ingin menunaikan janjinya atau pun tidak , jika tidak aku akan berhenti menghubunginya . Akibat takut kehilangan diriku si dia setuju untuk berjumpa diri Ku pada 19/01/2011 ,penat aku menanti sehinggakan aku tidak lena untuk tidur dengan nyenyak .Namun bila tiba harinya tiada khabar berita dari si dia ,aku pasrah dan kecewa namun jauh disudut hatiku sedar yang si dia akan tunaikan janjinya.Keesokan harinya aku menelefon si dia dan meluahkan rasa tidak puas hati kerana diperlakukan sebegitu rupa sedangkan aku tidak melakukan apa - apa yang melayakkan aku menerima layanan sebegitu .Kemudian si dia meminta maaf dan berjanji akan berjumpa pada hari seterusnya ,tiba keesokkan harinya si dia tiba - tiba perlu pulang ke kampung atas alasan atuknya jatuh sakit.Sekali lagi aku kecewa dan merasa tertipu ,namun si dia berjanji akan berjumpa aku pada 22/01/2011 pada jam 5 petang .Jauh di dalam sudut hatiku ini ,aku seperti dapat merasakan yang perkara buruk akan berlaku dan seperti semua ini mimpi yang akan menghantui diriku ini.Aku tahu maruah diri lebih penting bukan iPhone yang dipandang oleh hati ku ini namun keinginan untuk memiliki sesuatu yang aku tidak pernah ada dan kecapi itu yang sebenarnya aku kejari dari dulu.

            Pada 22/01/2011 ,aku mula hari Ku dengan kekecewaan apabila si dia tiba - tiba menjadi berang kerana aku tidak menjawab panggilan telefon nya pada malam sebelumnya . Aku menjadi bingung kerana si dia yang tidka menjawab panggilan aku pada awalnya , kemudian si dia tidak semena - mena menjadi amarah dan bengis serta tiada mood untuk berjumpa aku . Aku berulang kali memujuk dan mengingatkan si dia yang si dia telah janji pada diriku yang si dia akan berjumpa , aku juga telah berfikir dengan sedalam - dalamnya yang aku tidka mahu si dia membelikan iPhone itu untuk ku . Aku tidak mahu terhutang budi , namun si dia tidak mempedulikkan aku . Saat berlalu dengan pantas dan hati Ku berdegup dengan pantasnya ,Tiba saatnya jam menunjukkan pukul 5 petang sbayang si dia tidka muncul tiba. Dari saat itu aku sedar segala harapan aku telah hancur ,aku telah ditipu dna dipermainkan . Aku tidak mampu berkata apa - apa selain termenung dan meratap kesedihan diriku ini , aku bersyukur dalam saat yang begitu sedih dan getir ini tuhan berikan aku kekuatan untuk menahan emosi dan air mata dari mengalir agar aku dapat bekerja dengan tenangnya .
Kejadian ini betul - betul menyedarkan diri ku yang setiap perkara yang aku lakukan pasti ada balasannya samada cepat ataupun lambat ia pasti akan tiba .Aku redha dengan dugaanMu Ini Ya Allah Ya Tuhan Ku , Semoga ia menjadi pengajaran dan ikhtibar buat diriku yang lemah ini ...........

Disebabkan perkara ini....aku ingin berhenti berfacebook buat sementara waktu ..... aku rasa inilah tindakan yang terbaik buat diriku agar aku dapat rehatkan minda serta emosi diriKu ini yang sedang kesakitan ...

End

My Heart Just stop beating & i don't feel anything anymore

I know in life we should not hope on something we can't get,some would say at least you trying to get it and some would say i told you so.But the real thing is i try and try until my heart stop feeling anything.I just feel nothing,cause there to much pain in it makes me numb and clueless. 

Yeah it's just sound weird ,but it's happen to me.Now i can't love someone that easier as before,there always a little voice saying think before you act make sure you don't regret.Even sadness is not the worst feeling for me right now.

There always someone trying to get to know me,some give me fake hope and some give me a chance of a lifetime.But mostly makes me sick and remind me that true love doesn't exist,should i cry and die then? well of cause not.

I do believe when the time it should happen everything would be to late,yes i admit i like someone and i hope i've got a chance to know that person better.That person give me a hope that love is on the way wait for it,with that strong hope who wouldn't believe it,i wanna be in love but when the time i should meet this person there is no words hearing from it...where the hell this person goes??

Well i try to contact and search for It,suddenly i read a memo this person leave on the wall of facebook having dinner with someone and there is someone waiting for this person for almost 3 years.......

You've got to be kidding me,so are you telling me that all of this was a joke so you could know that you are still hot and can't get attention from others easily?.

And at that moment,my heart i knew that i'm to easy to be trick and be fool like a dumb ass.

what am i to that person?a toy?a slave that wait until that person ready?a doll?

whatever it is,it's hurt and i never even got a chance to meet this person.Why this person break my heart the most,because this person promised to me that i would be love and care.And now this person makes me waiting for something that unsure going to happen,I can't believe that i need someone this bad,i was crying all night when the same thing happen to me before and i have to convince myself that hing lie this won't happen to me ever again but it keeps repeatedly happen to me.

Some how in this sadness of painful time i manage to stand and walk without doubt,but i do lost myself behind,i lost all my feeling ,my sensitive side,my sincerity ,my smile,my honesty,my ability to feel and the most important thing i lost myself.I'm just not me blame it on this tragedy where it force me to change and do thing that i never done before,it's like i have been infected by a diseases and i don't have the remedy to cure myself.

I do wish that all the people that have been fool me have a worst time in their life,but it's not their fault this is just life i have to accept the reality that when comes to Love there nothing right about it.Our body makes us believe we are capable to do anything when we in love,so that we can be the best for the one we love.

I don't wanna blame anyone anymore,especially myself that i love the most.Why wait when i can enjoy my life with all the support that i've get from my friend and family right.So to everyone that have broke my heart,i just wanna say thanks u make me more matured and better.I do have a thick skin and a bit harsh on other but it all to protect myself from tearing apart and fall.

I write all this thing inside this blog so i can share my experience with other and express my feeling so it won't burden my brain that much.I don't care what people said about me anymore,the important thing right now is myself.I need time to heal and got back on track without any distraction from others.

Hope the future will be full with happiness and joyful moment...no more tears..

A Gift from Oman...

Today i've meet my frined from Oman at coffee bean Pavilion,well it will be his last day at Malaysia tomorrow he will go back to Oman and start working.

He message me at the previous night saying that he got me something special,well as usual i always though it was gadget since i was a gadget freak.

So when i'm arrive there was a beg at the chair i'm gonna sit on,so i ask him is this yours?

He answer no it was your present that i've got..so i took it ,i was kinda heavy

So i ask him what is this?he said it's not electronic it was something that i would like to get as a present from someone else .So i tell him i open it when i arrive at home.Then we talk and talk about our day and plan..we end up our meeting with a hug

When i'm arrive at home i've open the present so this is what i've got......

 

This is the beg ,i though it was T-shirt at first,but inside of it is a box containing a perfume

OMG............................!

I know when the bottle this big the price range is around rm199 to rm290

but the smell was so good and last longer then i've thought.

for more infomation about the perfume please visit this website

http://www.pacorabanne.com/parfums/?lang=en#/gold

How do i say thanks to this special friend from Oman...

I do think that i've known him since 2008 ,but since it was in internet i never though it's real,but today in this year he proved it all real and alive.Thank to god 

to You thanks for making my weekend better and cheerful

A FRIEND IN A MILLION

The Past & Future

I use to think in life when we plan something well it will go smoothly as we plan.But unfortunately it's not,life is about gambling all we do today is something that we never though or predict would happen.When i'm entering college i do believe i will get a diploma and degree,then have a suitable job with good salary.I hope after that i could buy a house and car for myself.But when it's turn out i don't get any job at all,i don't further my study .I do feel my life are suck and shameful ,i really hate and envy to other who have job and get busy day by day.

But when i look back in life,i am a strong person.i survive by my own and can solve my own problem very well.I'm still here standing and alive,as time goes by i do thing i've got more mature then before.I do think for long term in my life,never gamble anything without get and advise and knowing what would happen.

I do fail a lot,in my study,love,work,exercise & lots of thing.But some how i never give up,i keep move on.I do feel scared and clueless .But when i'm in the darkest time in my life,there always a miracle happen .It's like a light shine my way out from a dark tunnel,surviving that moment make me more alert and matured time through time i've get better and better and help other with their problem .

If i could turn my life back i don't want to change anything ,me today is because of the past.I survive the one thing most human can't survive ,loneliness i do coop with it better then anyone.When i'm alone i know i can think better,and i always know Allah s.w.t. are at beside me all the time.To God thanks for making my life as it is,there nothing better then being me me.Amin

Mimpi Yg Ngeri Tapi Tidak Menakutkan....

Semalam aku mimpi pasal orang minyak...macam tengok drama je..dari mula dia jadi org minyak sampailah dia dibunuh..berserta iklan lagi..aku sempat bangun ke toilet kemudian sambung tido dan sambung bermimpi...
apakah maksud mimpi ini??
rupanya bila aku menonton TV3 petang ini drama dendam orang minyak telah hampir ke akhir episod....promote aku tengok drama tv3 ke?
apa-apa pon mimpi-mimpi ini telah lama aku alami..beberapa kali dalam setahun.sebelum ni aku mimpikan kisah pelesit,kemudian orang minyak.Adakah ia kesan kerana tidur lewat atau pon akibat dari menonton TV yang kerap??

Sebelum tido aku baca ayat qusi dan al-fatihah serta doa tido,basuh kaki lagi.Tapi mimpi jugak,maybe aku suka bermimpi kot.Atau mungkin aku tertekan oleh itu minda aku cuba mengurangkan tekanan dengan berimaginasi tentang benda lain agar aku tidak tertekan memikirkan masalah hidup ini.Aku berharap mimpi ini tidak menjadi realiti.....Amin

A Special Tribute To Everyone That have make me fall in Love in the Past & Future

This Epic Film remind me that true love always exist and can't be forgotten easily ,until now i still can't forget my past love ...and i'm just not sure about the future ....but if i have the chance i would like to build a relationship with my previous Love....

The song that really catch my attention is 'Bagaikan Sakti' 
So Magical and remind me the moment when i'm in love...

Cinta datang
Tanpa diundang
Seumur masa tercipta

Dia datang bagai sakti
Bagai menyaksi mekar
Kembang pagi
Ohhh..

Cinta datang
Dengan senyuman
Panasnya membakar mentari

Wajah yang tergambar
Tak akan terpudar
Dari hati insan yang fana ini
Fana ini¡

Tak mungkin mentari
Akan terus sembunyi

Tiada sempadan
Tak bisa kulewati

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan ragaku
Menanti muara sengsara
Jika ini ketentuannya

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan raga
Jika ini ketentuannya
Kaukan jadi milikku jua

For everyone that in love out there,protect your love so it would grow and get stronger everyday..